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Thursday, 26 December 2013

What a Day!?!! 26/12/2013

Today (26/12/2013) happens to be my dad's bday. born in the year of 1943 makes him a 'jolly' 67 year old man! but looking at my situation here. since no budget to go back, then its only me and my poyoyo here in Sandakan...

Talking about my poyoyo...gosh..its a heart wrenching news i heard from the childs' specialist today.Dr Chin Tshun Leong. My poyoyo poo-pooed at least 6-8 times a day and this happened a day before Christmas. The very same night,  i gave my sister at Inanam a call who happens to be the best advisor when it comes to baby woes (at least for me, hehehehe)...she gave me 'oh-thts-probably-teething' which means that my poyoyo is experiencing teething stage and its quite normal for him to poo-poo sevrral times a day.

The very next day, still having the same problem and that seems to bother me until i send pictures of ethan's faeces to the Daddy ( picture shown) because they contained some whitish element ( most probably its from the milk produce) and green slimy substance. He told me to go straight to ethans fav doc..not exactly ethan's..its actuall us. because Dr Chin is so cool...so haih....what to call that kind of character.what's the proper wording for him..okay..three words, Stylo-Fun-Warm! its easy to connect with this dr. okay..enough bout Dr Chin.

When we went to see him, well that's when the horrible truth begin to sets in...it's not due to teething! its actually..uhhh ohhh..Diarrehea! All due to our own fault! ethans suffering from that because we did not sterilise his milk bottles. Dr Chin told us that he might got infected because of the germs that still remains in the bottle. there are nooks and crannies that- very -hard- to -reach places might contained germs and we failed to consider that!!! And to have that green slimy thing is a sign telling us that he is near close to have his intestines bleed! OMG, and ethan will have to be admitted. WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!!

Distubringly shocking to me..yeah..because of taking things so lightly, ethan's having bad rashes all over his little birdie area and also his tutush area. severely red condition until he cried in pain when its washing time. Such a heartbreaking moment to see him in that condition. i am still traumatise over it. hearing his crying and all is devastatingly painful and it is as though putting salt in my wounds. really..how can i overlooked things so basic like this?? i blame myself for this thing to happen under my own watch T_T,

Dr Chin told us to go back home and sterile whatever is necesary and tht was what we did.me and ethans nanny, zizi. we washed and make sure all the milk bottles steriled more than 5 minutes. Dr Chin gave us probiotics ( good bacterias to ward off those bad bacterias inside ethan's tummy), smecta ( diarrehea med) and also some cream to be put on ethan's affected part (poor thing) and rehydration salt in orange flavour. All costs RM130! it's okay...it is the costs of my ignorance and stupidity!

Gosh... i really blame myself for what happen. emotional breakdown at exactly 1900ish hours. ho hummmmm...feel like i don't deserve to become a mother. ethan's better off to another picture perfect mother! the thought of him had that Yu Yi medicated oil went to his left eye really put me in a top place for being a bad mother. his shout of pain during that reunioun at Yvonne's place was something that is really heartwrenching, gut wrenching , you-name-it. to have yourself blame is such bottomless pit aka marianna's trench sets a self pity mode that time. cried my eyes out until ethan just gave me that famous frowning eyebrow look back at me. He must be thinking.... 'what has gone into this woman?!? crying frenzy eh?!'. 

At the end of the day, it was again my ever so dear sister nikki came to the rescue. gave me a pep talk saying that it happens sometimes. it could be worst and her famous quote ' i bet you are glad to know when this thing passed, you wished you knew that this thing is not so bad afterall ' . okay, i believe her there and then, because as i mentioned earlier, she is the best advisor i know ...of should i say, a life coach??? and she knows what she is saying ALL the time. it's proven during ethan's jaundice period not so long ago ( i will update on that, pinky promise!)

Around nearly 10 pm...ethan's finally dozed off (picture shown)..such serenity, such peace.... a huge relief because he is free from experiencing any discomfort around his affected area (at least for the time being).  it is such an eye opener that although you have equipped yourself with vast information about babies, but to overlooked the slightest factor that is paramount to ethan's health would lead to other crucial illness such as mentioned above (his diarrehea lead to bottom rashes and lead to major pain)...all because of taking things lightly.

yes, i have indeed learnt my lesson-big time! i hope ethan forgive me as i will pay a lifetime for this to become a better mommy to my poyoyo. And yes, at night time, ethan's body became warm and i fed him PCM 2.5 ml. Woke up around 2 pm and felt his forehead...normal...*sigh*....life of a mother. thank you God for this opportunity of becoming ethan's mother. thank you so much for this honour. with this, i will hold forever dearly close to my heart the duties of a mother..to shower ethan with love and kisses, to protect him from danger and to ensure his upbringing is in line with Your teachings and  pleasant to Your eyes...

love love love xoxoxoxoxo <3 ethan, daddy :-)

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